current mood: speculative

It's been kinda ruff lately but I am thankful for all of my friends who have been there for me and dealing. It can only get better. I just got to let go of resentment and learn from it. I need to acknowledge the past as past but to learn from it. I realized if I continue to brood on the past, the future will pass me by. There are so many things to look forward to. Shame to miss it b/c I'm holding on to something that isn't tangible. Well the dailly double for me today is, what is "it"? I want to get lost in "it". What could that be? I'm striving for the simple pleasures in life right now. Remember when you used to wake up and for reasons unfathomable, you're just ecstatic to be alive. Step one: work on myself. The past year was a unexpected "detour". I came out of the past year with a better understanding of myself. Shit happens... this time I stepped over it. peas and love all.

Hey all, well it has been a while since i've been on this thing. crazy. lots of things have happened. good and bad. I have fallen into my moments of weakness but all in all I'm impressed by the manner in which i've handled the trials and tribulations that have been laid upon me. Everything is relative. depending on the situation a typically good stigma can be a bad one. Do bad decisions make a good person bad? vice versa does good decision, being at the right place at the right time, make a bad person good? What if the decision was a life changing one. Basically, we as humans, have our own reasons for doing things. To the outsider the reason for making such decisions can seem painstakingly apparent. Therefore, we as humans "assume" and make "decisions" and come to "conclusions" of situation X and the person involved. They say that it's hard to see yourself because we are unintentionally biased in our decisions, even when trying to do otherwise, and that is very true. But, at the same time the idea that we know ourselves the best is neglected. It's funny how an easy decision is never trully just an "easy decision". Go figure! Anyways the topic that has been incessantly plauging my mind. God's greatest gift and his most trying test; love! (well not the greatest but it's up there due to the consistency/frequency that it has been on my mind, by default its the "greatest") In the pursuit of love we should be passionate about it and in doing so we end taking a leap of faith. By taking that leap we may end up among the stars of with sand in our mouth. Love is never perfect, in the pursuit of the "snitch" ( harry potter reference) there will always be highs and lows and that is inevitable but when two people share "love" in the truest sense of the word they flow with the current and will overcome and become stronger for it. I believe that when you truly love you become synonymous, you don't see flaws just quirks. You fancy someone because of thier good qualities and fall in love because of the quirks. Do you guys believe in the idea of a soulmate? Someone who balances out your quirks. "Your other half". To be/become a strong person becuse of her and even stronger when you're with her. I've heard some interesting responses but would like the hear some more. I could regurgitate more PHILisophical thoughts on love but if I do i'm afraid I'll start growing boobs. hehe. But in closing I believe that when someone truly feels for you it emanates through thier actions. Without consciously knowing, we become inclined to nuture. Doing things for that special person purely for the sake of caring and  simply expecting and hoping for that smile of appreciation and gratitude (and sometimes with the look of i'm going to pounce grrrrr) hahaha.sweet.The smile that makes guys lose all maturity and motor skills and the only thing we can say is aww shucks.Am I wrong to assume that everyone's actions is a direct reflection of thier feelings? The feeling of not feelin the love is dang dude. It's not only dang but it's lao also. In fact is just recockulous. yea. The the preface of my whole ordeal. I think I should just break it into parts. If you guys disagree please let me know your thoughts. Am I being naive etc.... well too much thinking so i'm tired now. hope things are going smoothly for everyone. peas and love.